The Voldie Oldie

"You're My Home" (Billy Joel, 1973)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward
He went away exclaiming: "O my Lord!"
"What do you want?" the Lord asked, bending down.
"An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown."

--Jum Coople.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"He never bothered them - he never tried to make any of them live in houses.... He left them alone."

- RBC, re. Ronald Reagan and homeless people

Happy Birthday to Maxiebaby

On your birthday ♥

Maxiebaby, this year your b-day coincides with the fourth year anniversary of the Globe and Mail article which reported that public health investigators were talking to some of the 225 people who attended a social event at the Polish Alliance Hall where an outbreak of E. coli O157:H7 infection occurred. Dr. Monir Taha, associate medical officer of health, was cited as saying that five cases of E. coli infection have been confirmed through laboratory testing, although preliminary findings suggest several dozen people became ill with symptoms such as abdominal cramping and diarrhea, in some cases bloody.

The Voldie Oldie

"Hey You" (Bachman-Turner Overdrive, 1975)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"Oh my giddy aunt!"

- EA

The Voldie Oldie

"A'soalin'" (Peter, Paul and Mary, 1963)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Yankee, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See Damyank.)

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"In this class, I sleep over here."

- HK, giving his brother a tour

Rabbi Hershel Schachter on Dead Rabbis

"A chavrusa of mine was once interning at the OU as the person who takes notes when R. Hershel Schachter paskens she'eilos. Someone came to R. Schachter with a Gemara and showed him that we require two seals to ensure kashrus and asked him why the OU allows just one on packages it certifies. He responded that one seal that takes an extraordinary amount of time and effort to break and then reseal is equivalent to the Gemara's two seals. The questioner kept pestering R. Schachter and asking what his source is. Finally, after a long back-and-forth, R. Schachter said, "If you need it to be written by a dead rabbi I'll write it down and then you can shoot me.""

From Rabbi Gil Student, of www.hirhurim.blogspot.com.

The Voldie Oldie

"Carry Me" (The Stampeders, 1970)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Worms'-meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Grantarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"Tosfos are Republicans."

- MF the Elder

The Voldie Oldie

"A Horse with No Name" (America, 1972)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Woman, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoölogists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former state of seclusion, but naturalists of the postsusananthony period, having no knowledge of the seclusion, deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld, it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all beasts of prey, infesting all habitable parts of the globe, from Greenland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular name (wolf-man) is incorrect, for the creature is of the cat kind. The woman is lithe and graceful in its movements, especially the American variety (Felis pugnans), is omnivorous and can be taught not to talk.---Balthasar Pober.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"You haven't retired yet. Some sixty years to go."

- RBP

From The Devil's Dictionary

Widow, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ's tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.

The Voldie Oldie

"On the Way Home" (The Buffalo Springfield, 1968)

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"(H)ey, Batchugo!"

- OTI, to Batchugo, in Caribbean accent

Ephraim Stulberg on Shemot, 5767: Malbim on Popular Theology

When God commands Moshe to be his messenger to the Jewish people, Moshe wonders under which name of God he should address the people. God seems to offer a number of different replies to this query. First, he tells Moshe that "I shall be that which I shall be", adding that Moshe should tell the people that "I shall be" has sent him to them. Finally, God commands Moshe to tell the people that "The God of your forefathers, the God of Avraham, the God of Yitzhak, and the God of Ya'akov has sent me to you." What does all this mean?

Malbim's commentary on these verses is fascinating. He explains that the very notion of an omnipotent God implies all of the attributes which we usually ascribe to Him: mercy, justice, wisdom, etc. These are not so much attributes, which might or might not be part of an entity; they automatically inhere within the very definition of the Jewish concept of God. (This is a concept of which Maimonides speaks at great length in the first book of his Guide). Since any mention of God's attributes is in a sense redundant, a mere rehashing of facts already implicit in our basic understanding of God, any attempt to describe God by His attributes is futile. He simply is; "I shall be that which I shall be". That being the case, God tells Moshe not to approach the Israelites by mentioning any of His attributes, for nothing is to be gained by doing so. He is simply the God that is. "I shall be" is the only name necessary.

That being said, the above is a rather fine philosophical point, explains Malbim. People tend to approach God through much more experiential levels. It is not an abstract concept of God who is ultimately important in our lives; rather it is the fact that He is the God of our forefathers, who revealed Himself to them in different ways and under differing circumstances. It is this notion of God that appeals to people, inspires them. True, on an essential level God is never-changing, his name (forever) constant; but in the way He is experienced by mankind, there are different nuances in every generation.

The message seems to be that it is important to discuss issues of theology (or anything else for that matter) on a level appropriate to the listener.

The Voldie Oldie

"Take Me Home, Country Roads" (John Denver, 1971)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Wheat, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whiskey can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread. The French are said to eat more bread per capita of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"No cross talk."

- JJ

The Voldie Oldie

"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" (The Beatles, 1968)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Whangdepootenawah, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.

Should you ask me whence this laughter,
Whence this audible big-smiling,
With its labial extension,
With its maxillar distortion
And its diaphragmic rhythmus
Like the billowing of ocean,
Like the shaking of a carpet,
I should answer, I should tell you:
From the great deeps of the spirit,
From the unplummeted abysmus
Of the soul this laughter welleth
As the fountain, the gug-guggle,
Like the river from the cañon,
To entoken and give warning
That my present mood is sunny.
Should you ask me further question-
Why the great deeps of the spirit,
Why the unplummeted abysmus
Of the soul extrudes this laughter,
This all audible big-smiling,
I should answer, I should tell you
With a white heart, tumpitumpy,
With a true tongue, honest Injun:
William Bryan, he has Caught It,
Caught the Whangdepootenawah!

Is't the sandhill crane, the shankank,
Standing in the marsh, the kneedeep,
Standing silent in the kneedeep
With his wing-tips crossed behind him
And his neck close-reefed before him,
With his bill, his william buried
In the down upon his bosom,
With his head retracted inly,
While his shoulders overlook it?
Does the sandhill crane, the shankank,
Shiver grayly in the north wind,
Wishing he had died when little,
As the sparrow, the chipchip, does?
No 'tis not the Shankank standing,
Standing in the gray and dismal
Marsh, the gray and dismal kneedeep.
No, 'tis peerless William Bryan
Realizing that he's Caught It,
Caught the Whangdepootenawah!

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"How many Zen Buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?"
"A golden orb in a field of purple."

- MF the Elder

The Voldie Oldie

"500 Miles" (Peter, Paul & Mary, 1962)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Werewolf, n. A wolf that was once, or is sometimes, a man. All werewolves are of evil disposition, having assumed a bestial form to gratify a bestial appetite, but some, transformed by sorcery, are as humane as is consistent with an acquired taste for human flesh.

Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening, tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed, they consulted the local priest, who told them that their captive was undoubtedly a werewolf and had resumed its human form during the night. "The next time that you take a wolf," the good man said, "see that you chain it by the leg, and in the morning you will find a Lutheran."

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"The synagogue, in their infinite wisdom, have decided that Mr. Howard Garber will no longer be in charge of the building."

- RBP

Gotta Love Rabbi Malinowitz

http://lifeinisrael.blogspot.com/2007/01/and-slifkin-saga-continues.html

The Voldie Oldie

"California Girl" (Chilliwack, 1977)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Wedding, n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"'Cause Nike uses child labour, which I'm fine with, but they don't teach the kids how to make the shoes properly."

- JS Jr., re. why does not buy Nike shoes

The Voldie Oldie

"More Than a Feeling" (Boston, 1976)

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"I am waiting for our turtle, because he is too slow."

- MH, re. MF the Elder doing work

Mazel Tov

To Binyomin & Shira Bulka on the birth of a son.

The Voldie Oldie

"Somewhere They Can't Find Me" (Simon and Garfunkel, 1966)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Weather, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

I once dipt into the future far as human eye could see,
And I saw the Chief Forecaster, dead as any one can be-
Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth,
With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth.
While I looked he reared him solemnly, that incandescent youth,
From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth.
He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote
On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote-
For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow:
"Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow."--Halcyon Jones.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"You think this is a lounge.... It's not."
"Actually, it's more of a dining room."

- SG, MF the Elder, with mouth full, in class

The Voldie Oldie

"Cat's in the Cradle" (Harry Chapin, 1974)

From The Devil's Dictionary

War, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity. The student of history who has not been taught to expect the unexpected may justly boast himself inaccessible to the light. "In time of peace men prepare for war" has a deeper meaning than is commonly discerned; it means, not merely that all things earthly have an end - that change is the one immutable and eternal law - but that the soil of peace is thickly sown with seeds of war and singularly suited to their germination and growth. It was when Kubla Khan had decreed his "stately pleasure dome" - when, that it to say, there were peace and fat feasting at Xanadu - that he heard from far
Ancestral voices prophesying war.

One of the greatest poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he read us this parable. Let us have a little less of "hands across the sea," and a little more of that elemental distrust that is the security of nations. War loves to come like a thief in the night; professions of eternal amity provide the night.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"It doesn't work? You need a man to open it."

- RBP, to AS and GG, trying to unlocking office door

Daily #7

Mazel Tovs

To Yitzchak Brand on his engagement (a while ago)

To Yossi Levy on the birth of his son (last Tuesday)

To Pinchas Friedman on his engagement (last Monday?)

To Adina (née Shaps) and Eliyahu Prero on the birth of their daughter Ayala (last Sunday)

The Voldie Oldie

"Lotta Love" (Nicolette Larson, 1979)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Wall Street, n. A symbol of sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.

Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call
To battle: "The brokers are parasites all!"
Carnegie, Carnegie, you'll never prevail;
Keep the wind of your slogan to belly your sail,
Go back to your isle of perpetual brume,
Silence your pibroch, doof tartan and plume:
Ben Lomond is calling his son from the fray-
Fly, fly from the region of Wall Street away!
While you're still possessed of a single baubee
(I wish it were pledged to endowment of me)
'Twere wise to retreat from the wars of finance
Lest its value decline ere your credit advance.
For a man 'twixt a king of finance and the sea,
Carnegie, Carnegie, your tongue is too free!

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"Why doesn't it just say, 'McDonald's: We're doing quite well?'"

- DR, re. "McDonald's: Billions and billions served"

Daily #6

The Voldie Oldie

"Lady Run, Lady Hide" (April Wine, 1973)

From The Devil's Dictionary

W (double U) has, of all the letters in our alphabet, the only cumbrous name, the names of the others being monosyllabic. This advantage of the Roman alphabet over the Grecian is the more valued after audibly spelling out some simple Greek word, like έπιχοριαμβικός. Still, it is now thought by the learned that other agencies than the difference of the two alphabets may have been concerned in the decline of "the glory that was Greece" and the rise of "the grandeur that was Rome." There can be no doubt, however, that by simplifying the name of W (calling it "wow," for example) our civilization could be, if not promoted, at least better endured.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"She seems to have a calming effect on you."

- SG, re. KA, to Gr. 9 (1995/96)

Daily #5

The Voldie Oldie

"Look Through Any Window" (The Hollies, 1966)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Vote, n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"At some point or another, I enjoyed teaching all of you."

- MD, on last day

Daily #4

Ephraim Stulberg on Vayechi, 5767: Two Types of Torah Scholarship

In his comment on the blessing given by Yaakov to his son, Yehuda, Netziv explains that the phrase "umhoqeq mi-bein raglav" (49:10) refers to the fact that the tribe of Yehuda was blessed with great analytical powers in Torah study ("mehoqeq"), which were nurtured by the many students who sat at the feet of the rabbis from Yehuda ("mibein raglav"). This preeminence in Torah study was even on display in Shiloh, where the Jews encamped when they entered the Land of Israel, and it was a Judean, Osniel ben Qenaz, who "rediscovered" the laws lost during the period of mourning following Moshe's death (see Temurah 16b).

This theme of Yehuda's superior Torah knowledge comes up elsewhere in the writings of the Netziv. In the introduction to his commentary on the She'iltos (1:4-16), Netziv gives an overview of the history of the development of the halakhic process. He starts off by positing the existence of two separate skills for determining halakha, namely the theoretical and the practical. Among many other contentions, he asserts that while the tribe of Yehuda was renowned for its analytical abilities and its capacity for halakhic creativity, it was the Levites who were blessed with the more practical powers of adjudication (thus "yoru mishpatekha le-Yaakov etc."). He brings several Talmudic passages that support the idea to some extent.

The real appeal of this idea is not so much for its ability to explain otherwise vague Talmudic texts, but rather because it rings true on an experiential level. Different types of thinkers excel in different areas. Some people are book-smart, others are street-smart; some people see the small picture, others can view the overall scheme. And, as Rav Zevin writes in the introduction to his collection of book reviews (Sefarim ve-Soferim (?)), contrasting R' Yehezhel Landau with R' Pinhas Horowitz, some rabbis clearly excel at writing responsa, while others are better at writing novellae. This obviously has implications regarding any notion of rabbinic infallibity or Da'as Torah, a term which the Netziv does use in his commentary on P' Noah, though not in the colloquial sense in which it is usually understood.

The Voldie Oldie

"Love Is All Around" (The Troggs, 1968)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Vituperation, n. Satire, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"Forgive me, I'm in a wild mood."

- RBP

Is the World Run by Morons?

The other day I was doing some grocery shopping at the shopping plaza near my apartment, called Lawerence Square. It was right before the holidays and there was a booth set up in front of one of the stores that was offering to gift wrap items, only their sign advertised "gift wrape". I'm not quite sure what it means to "wrape" a gift, but it doesn't sound particularly pleasant.

At the time I didn't think much of the incident, but then last night I was in a different store in Lawerence Square looking for some shampoo when I noticed a hand written sign hanging in the shampoo section that read "not conditioner printing arear". Not understanding the message the sign was trying to convey, I took a closer look at the bottle of shampoo directly above the sign and noticed that the bottle advertised "Shampoo and Conditioner". I looked back at the sign and determined that "arear" = error (pun intended only for HWMNBN, everyone else please ignore the pun and take it to mean that the author of the sign in question meant to write the word error, but instead using some sort of brain power I'm not aware of, wrote a combination of letters which formed a non-existent word, arear).

I guess these displays of ineptitude were on my mind when I was traveling home on the bus and passed a sign in front of a convenience store that read "whey 5lbs $40" because I immediately thought about what the unfortunate authors of such words as wrape and arear would think if they came across this particular sign. I guess we can only hope that they don't need to lose any weight, because it would be just like them to think that (a) they could weigh only 5 lbs and (b) that they could pay someone $40 to make it happen.

Then I started thinking: has it gotten to the point that I should be worried about the meaning of a sign that states "whey 5lbs $40"? How am I supposed to know that it wasn't authored by the same moronic fellow who invented such words as wrape and arear? How prevalent do the signs at Lawerence Square have to become before we should just assume the worst possible interpretation is actually the correct one?

Daily #3

The Voldie Oldie

"Crimson and Clover" (Tommy James and the Shondells, 1968)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Virtues, n. pl. Certain abstentions.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"A thees and thees"

- DR

Daily #2

The Voldie Oldie

"Fortress Around Your Heart" (Sting, 1985)

From The Devil's Dictionary

Vanity, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"If I say, 'This is going to be on the test', it's probably a good idea to make sure you know it, because it will probably be on the test."

- SG, introduction to Physical Science 9

Daily #1

Is Huda the fat pizza dude?

I lost track of the picture of the fat pizza dude (after repeated censorship of some of my recent posts) and I was trying to find the now famous picture of fat pizza dude, but I just couldn't remember where we had come across it in the first place. So I turned to the trusted source known as Google. Here's what happened:

The Voldie Oldie

"Theme from Happy Days"

From The Devil's Dictionary

Urbanity, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not inconsistent with disregard of the rights of others.

QUOTI OF THE DAY

"Not that I'm saying that you guys are on the level of my six-year-old. Halevai..."

- RBC

Ephraim Stulberg: Tenth of Teveth Reconsidered

The Tosefta (Sotah 6:5) describes an argument between R' Shimon and his teacher, R' Akiva, as to the nature of the fast day observed in month of Teveth. The biblical source for the fast describes it only as 'the fast of the tenth [month]', listing it as the fourth in a series of fast days ' 'the fast of the fourth, the fast of the fifth, the fast of the seventh, and the fast of the tenth? (Zechariah 8:19) - without specifying the date or what it is supposed to commemorate.

R' Akiva argued that the fast ought to be observed on the tenth of Teveth, and that it was instituted in memory of the date upon which the Babylonian armies besieged Jerusalem prior to the destruction of the First Temple (see Ezekiel 24:1).

R' Shimon argued that, were this the case, the fast of Teveth would not have been mentioned fourth in Zechariah's list, but rather first, as the siege was the first of the four events commemorated to occur. According to R' Akiva, the fast days are listed out of historical order (though they do still appear in order within the calendar year).

Rather, R' Shimon felt that the fast of Teveth was instituted as a reminder of the fifth of Teveth, when the news came to the original exiles in Babylonia that Jerusalem had been destroyed (Ez. 33:21). Thus, the fourth fast on the list occurred later than the other three, and the historical chronology is preserved.

I find this argument somewhat extraordinary. At first glance, it would appear that the two sages argue as to when a particular fast is to be observed. Was there no tradition on this matter? What did people do before R' Akiva and R' Shimon took it up? It is rather unusual to find an argument on so basic a halakhic fact as this. The argument surrounds not merely a minor detail of a mitzvah, or an obscure and rare halakhic scenario, but an annual occurrence.

There are a couple of ways to analyse this question. The first is to admit, as does Turei Even, that R' Shimon really meant to move the fast day to the fifth of Teveth, and that previous observance had been misinformed. No appeal to traditional practice could be made because the fast only became truly obligatory with the destruction of the Second Temple. Throughout the lifetime of the Second Temple, this fast had been either a day of outright celebration or, at the most, an optional fast day. Either way, it was not a particularly mainstream date, and it is unlikely that too many people would have known about it (see Rosh Hashana 18b). When the Temple was destroyed, within the lifetimes of both R' Akiva and his student, R' Shimon, and this fast suddenly became obligatory, the question of what date was really meant by Zechariah became a more relevant issue.

The second approach is a little more radical. It is possible that R' Shimon never meant to move the fast day to the fifth of the month, and that he agreed that the initial fast day had been implemented on the tenth. This approach is implicit in the words of HYD"A, who claims that R' Shimon was only able to argue on his teacher, R' Akiva, in a mere matter of aggadah, not halakha (Birkei Yosef Y.D. 242:3). Judaism
has a tradition of lumping together several historical commemorations on a single day. This is most apparent with the fast of the 7th of Tammuz; although the first time around Jerusalem was breached on the seventh of the month, and 'the fast of the fourth month' was originally observed on that date, since the second invasion of
Jerusalem occurred on the 17th, we combine the two events into a single fast day (see Ta'anis 28b). A similar phenomenon is observable with regards the 20th of Sivan, which was a day of mourning for the victims of the first Crusade, and later for those massacred in 1648-49 in the Ukraine and Poland by the Cossacks.

A more contemporary instance of such a phenomenon surrounds the early discussions of what would eventually become Yom Ha-shoah. Apparently, R' Yosef Dov Soloveitchik was opposed to the creation of a special day of mourning, on the grounds that the Jewish tradition is to simply lump new tragedies into existing days of mourning, especially the 9th of Av. He found expression for this idea in the Kinah 'Mi yiten roshi mayim', which describes how the martyrs of Worms, murdered on
Shavuoth, were commemorated on another date. 'For it is not right to add dates of destruction and annihilation, and it is not proper to select an earlier date, but rather a later one.' And so the Holocaust, argued Rav Soloveitchik, ought to be mourned on Tisha B'av.

While the Holocaust was still going on, R' Isaac Herzog, Chief Ashkenazic rabbi of Palestine, was asked about the propriety of establishing a special yearly day of mourning. While Rav Herzog's discussion (found in his collected writings, Orah Hayyim v. 2 (#99)) revolves chiefly around the issue of 'Bal Tosif' and whether it would apply in such a case - he argued it doesn't - he also discussed the same Kinah mentioned above. He argues that the issue with the martyrs of Worms was simply that, as they were murdered on Shavuoth, when fasting is not allowed (see Pesahim 68b), there was an intrinsic need to choose a different date. This is the meaning of 'it is not proper to select an earlier date, but rather a later one', which is based on the phrase used by the Mishnah (Megillah 1:3) in describing the halakha for a fast day that falls out on Shabbat. Thus the people of Worms were mourned on 20 Sivan, argues Rav Herzog, not the 9th of Av; more importantly, this Kinah cannot be used as a proof against establishing new national days of mourning. (He seems to disregard the first sentence quoted above, which clearly argues against his thesis.)

Regardless of what R' Shimon might have held, we of course follow the opinion of R' Akiva. We fast on the tenth of Teveth, and all of the seliha literature that I have come across speaks only of the siege of Jerusalem.

Have a safe fast (next year!)